I write about divorce in India

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18 Responses

  1. How right you are.
    The only people who are owed an explanation are those who are directly affected. Your children, your family.
    It always amazes (and horrifies) me how many people are happy to sit in judgement with less than the full facts. And how negative those judgements often are.

    • Kalpanaa says:

      Yes Elephant’s Child – its a kind of self righteous knowledge of people who think they have their life under control. Thanks for visiting.

  2. shalzmojo says:

    Uff been there and not done that!! I had refused to justify my reasons to want a divorce while my EX milked this for sympathy and got tonnes of it too, including from my parents. All around me were peeps telling me I was being stubborn since I could not explain to them why the divorce!!!! It took a lot of guts and pain (2 yrs of it) to stand firm and go through it ALONE!!! I never felt so alone in my life as when I decided to get a divorce! I knew then that no one will understand and explanations will yield more reasonings and advice- I didnt want any of it!
    Kudos to you for writing about it Kalpanaa – I think I am finally getting over it with this blog 🙂 Thank you for sharing this!

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    • Kalpanaa says:

      Thank you for sharing Shalz. People still don’t understand why I wanted a divorce. My ex got a lot of sympathy – everybody loves him – but got over it eventually and married again. Happily. I know what you mean about feeling so ALONE.

  3. No explanation is needed for your action. I also believe that people will perceive you according to their perception. Your explanation cannot change their perception. Yes, children and family have a right to know the reasons though they will perceive what they want to understand. So, don’t waste your time by giving them explanation of your action.
    Best wishes.
    Sayanti. My today’s link is Here

  4. inquisitivegeet says:

    You did what you had to do. Simple. No one knows what was going on in your marriage and thus no one holds the right to question the same, except of course, your parents and your children. I feel, one is a mature adult and would take such a big decision after thinking about it day and night. You’re really strong to go with what you thought was right and not succumb to what your friends had to say. At the end of the day, if you’re happy, that is what matters!


  5. leannelc says:

    I think you had your priorities perfectly in place – kids first, parents second and then anyone who was worth the investment – otherwise mind your business and let me get on with making new life for myself – excellently explained and very wise!
    Leanne | cresting the hill

  6. SoulMom says:

    You did the right thing by justifying this event to the ones truly affected by it. Out of my own experience, I can now say that what we explain to others is trivial and non-significant. What really matters is what we explain to ourselves about the choices we make or are forced to make, given the situation. What people will think and say or have an opinion about either of the spouses is always food for gossip. Best to stay away from getting affected and wasting our precious energies. Love.

  7. Geraint Isitt says:

    It is so easy to sit back and judge from a lily White Castle having never done anything wrong. That’s just people. The ones you really know and love will understand without the justification.

  8. That spiritual support group sounds horrible, I hope you divorced them too:)
    I wonder when we will stop judging each other for the choices we make. Thanks for sharing your perspective with us. When a friend with a 3-yr old divorced, we were at a loss of how to react. So our only reaction was no reaction.
    Writing is a great medium to heal, so I hope it helps you.

    Celebrating ‘Women & their work’ all April @NamySaysSo A Journalist Who Will Never Be

  9. Natasha says:

    Kalapana, I believe writing about it will be cathartic to your soul. I’ve been through one and know what it feels to be there. But it’s a shame and a sham if a spiritual group judges. I’m kind of curious to know who they were. No worries if you don’t want to share. I’m curious because I’m a practising Buddhist and I have seen in Soka gakkai, nobody judges, people just let you be, for who you are.

    Please take care. I’m sure a better life awaits you. 🙂 Happy tidings.


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  10. Lalita says:

    A lot of people have got spiritualism backwards (if thats possible). So much judgment, so much schadenfreude, when all it takes is to just be. I have become of fan of the writing you do, this is at par with creating awareness for mental health in India, to create an environment that respects adult choices in relationships and their course.

  11. Spiritual groups I avoid .I like praying and I deeply believe in my Gods and Godesses ,but I also believe it sdeeply personal relationship.Divorce is always painful withput people irritating the hell out of you.moire power to you for being classy and refusing to nbe negative.Life is never over till you decide.Being happy and at peace are important.Live

  12. Kaddu says:

    True. The only people you an explanation to are your kids, and perhaps your parents. The rest of the world just likes to interfere.
    Happy AtoZing!
    Chicky @ http://www.mysteriouskaddu.com

  13. True on two aspects – one, you don’t need to justify the reasons to others.
    Two – from everything I have seen, it is often the spiritual and religious groups which are the most judgemental and bigoted. I am not even gonna say “most” here… every group I have ever seen which had major spiritual overtones ended up being extremely judgemental to the point of being hateful and mocking when it came to issues like divorce, adoption or inter-religious marriages.

  14. And that’s why ‘justify’ is so close to ‘judge’. It too often ends up there. I like the Explanation word better.

  15. Nilanjana Bose says:

    Religiosity and religion are two different things. Unfortunately shallow people confuse the first for the second, and think it’s a basis for being meddlesome and judgmental.

    No adult should have to justify any decision to a group/friends/neighbours/society unless it is a criminal action, certainly not a decision as intimate as divorce.


  16. Rajlakshmi says:

    I am surprised that out of all the people, the spiritual group turned out to be so judgmental. You have been very strong and determined. It’s not easy to share a story about one’s life with such honesty. I am sure many readers would be able to relate to it and derive strength from your post.

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