Made for each other

Kalpanaa

I write about divorce in India

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30 Responses

  1. An interesting read, especially since your point of view is so far removed from my own. We married at age 16 & 18 – we were at your “mad for each other” stage – and after 53 years we still are. He’s my husband, my lover, and my best friend. I’m sorry it didn’t work that way for you, but I hope you don’t give up on the idea of finding a life mate someday.

    • Kalpanaa says:

      Amazing – married at 16 and together after 53 years. I love stories like that. I haven’t given up on the idea of a life mate despite the odds. Thanks for visiting Carolyn.

  2. jlennidorner says:

    A very insightful post you have here.
    I’m reminded of the beginning of Gone with the Wind, where Scarlet’s father suggests she and Ashley are not of the same mind. By the end, she finally understands what he meant.
    It’s best if two people do want the same path in life. But yeah, sometimes life tosses a curveball that changes what we want.
    As far as height being part of it– that’s just stupid. Sorry. I’m sure there’s some valid reason that someone has, or something they think sounds like a valid reason, but really… ugh. Do their gay men only marry those of the exact same height? If a man steps on a landmine and then becomes shorter because he has no legs, is he out of luck marriage wise unless there’s a single dwarf? I probably don’t want to know the answers to any of that.
    I’m happily Mad for and Made for my Snookums.

    J — Co-host the #AtoZchallenge, Debut Author Interviewer, Reference and Speculative Fiction Writer
    http://jlennidornerblog.what-are-they.com

    • Kalpanaa says:

      Awwww – I love that you and your Snookums are so made for each other. Nice reference to Gone with the Wind and Scarlett and Ashley. I’m not answering your questions about arranged marriage. I’d have to do the research and get irritated by the results.

  3. LOL, that last part on the stages is brilliant! I feel like marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. You have to both be willing to be there for each other, no matter what. If both parties aren’t, trouble happens.

  4. Andy says:

    I’ve never seen those four stages listed like that before. I know in my parent’s marriage, there is an acceptance of the other that is nice to see and is comforting.

  5. Any time I hear of a couple who never disagree I assume that one of them (at least) is not being entirely truthful.
    Different people have different opinions and viewpoints. Which is lovely. And enriching.
    My partner and I have been together for approaching 40 years now. We disagree often, about everything from food to music. And it doesn’t matter.
    We have been through some hard times, and some good times. And I hope for more.
    Great M post.

    • Kalpanaa says:

      There’s nothing like a good old argument to keep you interested in each other and to clear the air if the issue is something deeper than food and music. It’s so important to be truthful – even about the little things – like if you want the window open but he wants it shut. Better to talk about it.

  6. BellyBytes says:

    Oh I loved this one especially your 4 stages of marriage. More and more I don’t think young people will get married and if they do, stay married. With all social stigma attached to unmarried persons, ‘illegitimate children’ , divorce etc. this will soon be an extreme option exercised only by those who are made for each other

  7. Parul Thakur says:

    Great read! I agree that people change and couple grow I a relationship. I think what matters is the ability to respect and take each other along in the journey.

  8. Ravish Mani says:

    There’s nothing divine in the institution of marriage. It’s the demand of ego and economics. Marriage is just like a partnership deed, that’s why couples are also called life partners. Partnership is formed to achieve some common objectives. With time, if their objectives differ, they separate. The ways of separation are also decided at the time of formation only and are mentioned in the partnership deed. So, in my opinion, the idea of prenuptial agreement is a mature step.

    I like the quote of Socrates on marriage with little modification. I use the word spouse instead of wife, which makes it valid for both the genders. Here’s it is: “By all means, marry. If you get a good spouse, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher.”

    • Kalpanaa says:

      Thanks for commenting Ravish. I don’t agree that marriage is just a partnership. I still believe people marry because they want to spend their lives together with this amazing person.

  9. Chaotic Soul says:

    I love your posts, more and more, everyday.

    Love,
    Ashmita
    Chaoticsoulzzz

  10. saracsnider says:

    Flexibility and acceptance of each other is so important, I’ve discovered this through the years (sometimes the hard way).

  11. That’s a beautiful post, Kalpanaa. Indeed ,Marriage is a steady two-way effort to find a common meeting ground through all the differences and dissimilarities. What appears to be ” made for each other ” after ,say, a decade of marriage is a sum total of conscious compromises and adjustments , the joint decision to remain committed to the”made for each other” feeling that the couple had premised their marriage on

    Moon
    https://aslifehappens60.wordpress.com/

  12. Lalita says:

    This is so reflective of a real marriage. Also another stage M: Managing without each other, just fine. 🙂

  13. Shirley Corder says:

    I’m like Caroline at the top of your comments. We started off mad over each other when I was 19. We married four years later, and we’re still together approaching our 50th Wedding Anniversary. So some marriages work well, although there were those times when we wondered if we’d make it. 🙂 Happy Easter! M is for Marketing Methods as you Build a Better Blog. #AtoZchallenge.

  14. I tried, I really did more than once. I know couples who are mad about each other – but we were constantly mad at each other! Ah well!

    Amble Bay’s May Fair

  15. I wonder if arranged marriages are any less successful than love-driven marriages. Hmm…

  16. Nilanjana Bose says:

    Your perspectives make for interesting reading. Thanks for sharing your views so candidly.

    Every couple is different, every marriage is unique, there is no one way of being ‘made for each other’ is what I believe. And I personally have known at least one couple (of an older generation and an arranged match, both deceased now) where the wife was taller than her husband, so what is a ‘suitable boy’/girl also varies.

    I’ve been married to the same guy for many years now, tastes in books, music, clothes, politics, home decor, etc vary. But these don’t seem to matter. We argue, sometimes about trivialities, but they don’t seem to matter either. In being ‘made for each other,’ I haven’t ‘made-over’ myself for him, nor have I ever felt the need to require him to change himself for me. Our ‘coupledom’ has space for differences and individuality and that’s the way it has worked for us. Other couples might have other things which make their partnerships ‘made for each other.’

    Nilanjana
    Madly-in-Verse

    .

  17. Natasha says:

    Nice one Kalpana.

    Blog: natashamusing
    Theme: Travel Epiphanies
    Mighty Cerulean Sea

  18. Tarkabarka says:

    I’m just going to say that suddenly your theme became very timely for me, and I get a lot out of reading it. Thank you.

    The Multicolored Diary: WTF – Weird Things in Folktales

  19. Debbie D. says:

    So many couples put on a good face to the world, just for show. These are the ones who claim they never argue, etc. “Ken and Barbie” is a good description – plastic. 😛 After 44 years together, my husband and I have been through many rough times, but came out the other side, still intact. Your quote about couples who are meant to be certainly apply to us. 🙂

  20. The last part about the stages just cracked me up!
    It is not possible for a couple to agree on everything. But it’s equally important to respect those differences. The ones that agree on everything, throughout their lives, probably have some sort of dishonesty brewing beneath. Don’t you think so?

  21. I think this whole Made for each other is a social construct which boost society’s ego in a way and mainstream society never encourages couple to disagree or evolve. This idea itself is flawed and so counter productive. As you said, this whole Barbie ideology who wanna a married woman be a barbie doll standing at the door, welcoming guests and smiling as if she is remote controlled by this button called society.

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