Made for each other
“They’re made for each other,” we gush when we see a couple in love, as though we aren’t enough by ourselves but need someone else to complete us. Very sweet and almost every married couple decides they’re made for each other, otherwise they wouldn’t have taken the huge step of resolving to marry. I’m not including forced marriages or arranged marriages where compatibility is measured by the caste, economics and looks of the people involved. Did you know that in an arranged marriage a woman who is taller isn’t considered ‘made for each other’ material for a shorter man even if they have the same values and a matched sense of humour?
I return to the tag of Made for each other where its assumed we are Ken and Barbie – once manufactured, always the same. Isn’t this the second flaw with the idea of made for each other? Are we dolls, complete when we meet our ‘made for each other’ mate, or are we a work in progress? We evolve with time, we change, we progress sometimes in a different direction and at a dissimilar speed. If we aren’t careful we can quite easily unmake each other instead of remaining made for each other. With Hindsight I see that when I got married many people advised us to grow together and I see now that it isn’t just boring advice from know-it-all older couples but one of the cornerstones of a marriage. We’re never exactly the same person, we keep changing which is why marriage is such hard work – you have to keep each other updated on your new ideas, discoveries, passions.
If we remember that we liked the same music to begin with then even as we discover new music that appeals to one of us we can put it before the other and appreciate it together or even argue about it if we don’t agree ( with humour though) . We may not always like the same books but we can be attentive to why the other person likes what they’re reading and maybe even try it out instead of throwing it out. We’ll only expand our reading genres and it gives us common ground for conversations that transcend the children, annoying relatives or our friends latest shenanigans.
What about the politics of a ‘made for each other couple? What can be done if our politics differ? We may not have cared that much about politics when we decided we were made for each other but now we do. I find agreeing to disagree and being sanguine about a spouse’s somewhat rabid politics a useful tool. Encouraging him or her to laugh at himself or herself with the rest of the family lightens things up preventing it from becoming a conflagration point.
Made for each other may have meant that you just loved each other’s company, even on a bus holiday to a not so attractive small town but now you’re set on the seaside and the other half of the made for each other prefers the mountains. It can still be a made for each other situation if we take it in turns to compromise and enjoy both places for the other person. If one person bears all the burden of ensuring the made for each other tag sticks by never rocking the boat, always agreeing to go to the seaside she or he will snap one day and then everything will be too much of an effort. That will be the end of the marriage and certainly of the made for each other label.
Have you seen the four stages of marriage?
Mad for each other
Made for each other
Mad at each other
Mad because of each other
This is the M post for the A to Z Challenge. You can click the link in the badge above to find out more. My theme for the Challenge is the Lexicon of Leaving