I write about divorce in India

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15 Responses

  1. It sounds like a book I would love to read.
    And no, I don’t think it would be possible to be xenophobic within a marriage. Or not about that particular flavour of ‘foreigness’ anyway.

  2. leannelc says:

    Cultural differences are so ingrained – even reading your posts has shown me what a different view there is in India compared to Australia about marriage and society’s attitudes towards it. Two people coming from different cultures will always have more to navigate in a marriage but that doesn’t mean they can’t make it work if they are both prepared to put in the effort.
    Leanne | cresting the hill

  3. Arlee Bird says:

    I’ve been accused of xenophobia at times but it’s one of those words that I think gets so abused these days and used as a pejorative term to attack another person. My wife is a Hispanic from Ecuador who embraces U.S. culture and proudly considers herself an American citizen. We get along very well and I’ve always gotten along with all types of people.

    My Latino nephew married a Chinese woman and they both have embraced each others culture and are proud Americans. They’ve even learned each others native languages which is pretty cool.

    I can see where xenophobia might be a divorce factor, but it’s probably more related to something else other than an extreme fear or aversion to another culture. Interesting to consider though.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

  4. saracsnider says:

    That sounds like an interesting book. It doesn’t seem like xenophobia within a marriage would be a problem. I could see it being problematic regarding families from different cultures, though. Could make for tense social engagements if everyone isn’t supportive, and that could put strain on a marriage, but I can’t really see it being the sole reason for divorce.

  5. Fear and hatred are two very different terms and each really deserve their own word. I’m sure that in some marriages, xenophobia sets in further down the line when, after the first flush of love, differences become more apparent.

    Another day in Amble Bay!

  6. Fascinating post. Even people from the same culture have different backgrounds. Maybe those from different cultures have more work to do, but our differences make us more interesting.


  7. I’m not sure it is possible anymore to discuss xenophobia rationally. It’s become wrapped in too much politics. Sigh.

  8. Shilpa Garg says:

    Sounds like an interesting book and I would love to check it out. I think xenophobia can set in in marriages when the ‘honeymoon period’ is over and differences in cultures/habits etc crop up.

  9. Marna Reed says:

    You can absolutely be xenophobic in a relationship. Just because you marry someone from another culture, doesn’t mean you’ll agree with everything. That you’ll chuck off the lens of ethnocentrism. Sometimes it’s defensive – you feel like an outsider, so you’ll cling onto all the ‘good’ of one’s own culture and alienate whatever culture that is (supposedly) antagonizing you. It’s sad…

  10. ANITA says:

    Interesting book with a “good” title. The wives are supposed to be “good” 🙂
    Clash of personalities can happen even when the partners belong to the same culture, even same city!

  11. D.A.Cairns says:

    Firstly, let me say that I think intercultural marriages are the answer to racism. The more we mix the races, the more we tear down walls.There are ethnic groups which almost exclusively marry within their own group, but I’m sure that racism is involved in that to some extent.

    Secondly, I think ethnic cultural differences are relatively easy to overcome. If you get involved with someone from another ethnic culture, chances are you will happily take that culture on board: it’s customs, traditions, food etc. If you don’t, you’re an idiot (sorry to be blunt). The biggest cultural problem facing couples is family culture which is different to ethnic culture. The two biggest killers of marriage are sex problems and money problems. Money problems in particular are caused by different attitudes to money, and our attitudes to money are a part of our family culture. That is, how we were raised.

    Nine times out of ten, blaming ethnic cultural differences for a making break up is a cop out.

  12. shalzmojo says:

    I almost did my X on Xenophobia but then just couldnt seem to find anything positive about it.
    Our jumping the gun at every instant which results in a verbal diarrohea courtesy so many social mediums these days, Xenophobia and many such issues multiply with a tenacity thats alarming and uncalled for – its testing our tolerance big time!!!

  13. Debbie D. says:

    This one hits close to home! I am German/Canadian and was mercilessly harassed and bullied in Canadian elementary school because of the German side (WWII had only been over 15 years when I started). Years later, when my Italian husband and I got together, his xenophobic relatives did their damnedest to break us up. This is a mindset that disgusts me. 🙁 We are ALL human beings! Do you speak German, Kalpana? Liebe Grüße aus Kanada. 🙂

  14. jlennidorner says:

    People do tend judge before they read when the people are xenophobic. I try to ignore such people. I run into it a lot in everyday life.
    My parents are from slightly different cultures, but the simliaries in those cultures (and how both are different from the rest of America) is a big part of what brought them together.
    A love of travel, a strange childhood, and a health issue is what brought my Snookums and I together. We do have different cultural backgrounds, but we agree on the important stuff. Plus, the other half is better at blending in than I am, which has become not just useful but now imperative for safety as racial tensions run higher in the last two years in my area. (I am told to “go home” and called a variety of racists names… none of which actually apply to me. I’m a Native American with thousands of years of ancestors under my feet right here. This IS my home. But there isn’t enough “white” on my skin, so on any given day, I’m now Mexican, Puerto Rican, Cuban, and sometimes even Muslim (which is a religion, but try telling that to people who can’t even understand what a Native American is).
    But anyway. Good post. Nice use of X.

    J — Co-host of the #AtoZchallenge, Debut Author Interviewer, Reference and Speculative Fiction Writer

  15. I am intrigued. It sounds like a great read.

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